26 June 2012

Review: Street Fighter x Tekken (PS3)

For years fighting game fans have savoured one particular "what if..." scenario. What if... Street Fighter characters met Tekken characters in the same game? After a lakeful of emitted saliva their dream have come true. Alas, a dream it should have remained. Street Fighter x Tekken has got everything so wrong it's hard to decide where to start from.

Well, let's start with Tekken characters. As this is Capcom's idea of a versus scenario, the game runs on the latest Street Fighter fighting engine so all Tekken characters have been capcomized and fitted to Street Fighter's six-button configuration. It goes without saying none of their signature combos or fighting mechanics remain. But to add to the insult, all these capcomized Tekken characters feel like bad Capcom characters; lousy, unresponsive, weak and crap. And no. I'm not a biased Namco-fanboy as I find both Street Fighters and Tekkens very good fighting games in their different ways. Of course, Capcom's own characters beat the living daylights out of Jin, Heihachi, Xiaoyu and the rest of the Tekken cast.

But as they say, that's not all, folks. Yes, even Capcom's own characters feels like cheap copies of their previous incarnations in the new Street Fighter IV series. They don't play like they used to. Somehow, all the magic is gone. You know, for example your very own signature combo you came up with yourself and used to pull out (mine for Juri was j.mk, c.mk xx HK pinwheel xx FA2)? I'm pretty sure it doesn't work anymore. One of the reasons for this is the new graphics engine. Gameplay suffers badly from skipped animation frames. And why do animation frames skip? Maybe because of the new plastic graphics. Why on earth they didn't stick with the SFIV graphics engine? Why do they have these horrible new graphics with smutty textures sewed hastily onto characters and who shine from head to toes like they were polished with turtle wax? It's like once attractive celeb who has had too many facelifts and botox-shots for her/his own good. And Tekken fans, steer away from this game. All your favourite characters look like they were drawn onto a puddle of vomit. Backgrounds are equally gaudy with terrible looped animated objects. Street Fighter x Tekken doesn't either feel or look right, not Capcomwise nor Namcowise.

Looks like a yesterday's meal. On a shirt. You can' see bad animation and horrible texture work from this still though. Lucky you!

And the rant goes on. Beat'em-up characters aren't usually known for their deep psychology and characterisation but so-called Arcade mode with a different story for each tag-team is an insult. Everyone is out of character in their crap dialogue scenes and have been turned into one-dimensional idiots. Your Juri isn't Juri, she's just annoying mindless psychopat. You can all argue Juri was nothing but a psychopat to begin with but she sure wasn't mindless but had her own wicked sense. Nor is Asuka your temperamental Asuka. She's just an apathetic brute playing a second fiddle to annoying Lily. Yes, Lily is even more annoying here than she was in Tekken 6. In short, whoever is your favourite character, he or she isn't the same here.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, shall we dig into the most important matter? Almost all characters have one move (or a short combo) with which to beat all the odds presented to them? It applies for both the offline and what's worse, for the online play too. For network matches all you need is to learn one powerful move with a good advantage and keep repeating it ad nauseam. No matter how good you might actually be with your character, that one repeated move will take you down. As it is, the game doesn't encourage you to fully learn your chosen characters because it's completely pointless. Just do the same as everyone else and you'll be fine. This is the game-breaking fault, everything else I have written before this has just been (ugly) window dressing.

To put it bluntly, Steet Fighter x Tekken is an insult to the fighting game genre. It's just a cheap cash-in in a hope of sucking cash from both Street Fighter and Tekkens fans' pockets. Don't get fooled. Get Virtua Figher 5: Final Showdown instead. You won't regret it.

4/10 (yes, really!)

And here... aw crap, come on!

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